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Anger Counseling |
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Unexpressed, Hidden Anger
© copyright 2011 by Lynette J. Hoy, NCC, LCPC
Question:
When we talk about anger, I always remember a few situations,
and wonder - did I do wrong or good? In every situation,
I am trying to stay calm and after that what happens with
the anger? I think it is somewhere deep in side of me, and
there must be some valve for all my anger. How will that
impact my life?
Answer: Dear Friend, Maybe you are really asking: Has my anger
and response to provoking situations been helpful? What happens to the
anger when I don't express it? How does it affect my life?
Pent-up Anger: It sounds like you try to remain calm which is
helpful in containing conflict and angry outbursts - but, your anger
remains hidden. Hidden anger can grow and result in bitterness and depression
or eventually there may be an outburst of anger over something small
because you have been holding it in. Is it good to keep your anger unexpressed?
I don't believe so.
Anger Expressed: I think anger is meant to be expressed in healthy
ways through assertive communication and problem-solving. If you can't
talk with the person directly who you are angry with - then, it is helpful
to express your anger to a confidante or counselor. You can explore ways
to express it directly or decide to let it go.
Ultimately, when you don't express anger - you will be affected by it.
Anger is an emotion which results from feelings of fear, frustration,
hurt and loss of control. The emotional valve within will explode when
these feelings are not dealt with. You need to make changes so you can
deal with your emotions and the issues.
Working
through anger using healthy coping skills will bring a sense
of peace and confidence to your life.
Order the book: What's
Good About Anger? to learn more about
these skills and how faith can help defuse
your anger.
© copyright 2005 by Lynette J. Hoy, NCC, LCPC. Lynette is a Marriage
and Family Counselor with CounselCare Connection and National Certified Counselor.
She is the co-author of What's
Good About Anger? and a speaker for community, women's and church organizations
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