Question:

Maybe you have been wondering if you are abused. Maybe you have been living in fear. Fear from abuse in the past. Fear in a present relationship. We are offering some resources which can help you. But, first, you must determine if you are abused. Then, you can take steps to get help and work through it.
Take this inventory: “Am I in An Abusive Relationship?:

Symptoms of Abuse - Threats; Power Misuse; and Control......

What symptoms below fit your life?

Using Emotional Abuse:
Putting the other down ___
Making the other feel bad about themselves ___
Calling the other names ___
Making the other think they are crazy ___
Playing mind games ___
Humiliating the other ___
Making the other feel guilty ___
Using Privileges ___
Treating the other like a servant ___
Making all the big decisions ___
Acting like the master of the castle ___
Being the one who determines the roles ___

Using Economic Abuse:
Preventing the other from getting or keeping a job ___
Making the other ask for money ___
Giving the other an allowance ___
Taking the other's money ___
Not letting the other know about or have access to family income ___

Using Coercion and Threats:
Making or carrying out threats to do something to hurt the other ___
Threatening to leave the other, to commit suicide, report the other to welfare ___
Making the other drop charges ___
Making the other do illegal things ___

Using Intimidation:
Making the other afraid by using looks, gestures, or actions ___
Smashing things ___
Abusing pets ___
Displaying weapons ___

Using Children:
Making the other feel guilty about the children ___
Using the children to relay messages ___ family or friends? Yes___ No___
Using visitation to harass the other ___
Threatening to take the children away ___

Using Isolation:
Controlling what the other does, who they see, talk to, what's read, and where they go ___
Limiting their outside involvement ___
Using jealousy to justify actions ___
Minimizing, Denying, Blaming ___
Making light of the abuse and not taking the other's concerns about it seriously ___
Saying the abuse never happened ___
Shifting responsibility for abusive behavior ___
Saying the other caused it ___

HAS ANY OF THE FOLLOWING EVER HAPPENED TO YOU?
Does your partner:
Blame everyone else especially you, for his or her mistakes? Yes___ No___
Prevent you from seeing your family or friends? Yes___ No___
Curse you, say mean things, mock you or humiliate you? Yes___ No___
Force you to have sex or force you to engage in sex that makes you feel uncomfortable? Yes___ No___
Restrain, hit, punch, slap, or kick you? Yes___ No___ Intimidate or threaten you? Yes___ No___
Ever prevent you from leaving the house, getting a job, or continuing your education? Yes___ No___

If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, you may be in an abusive relationship.

Please call your local police department at 911 (in most USA communities) or local Domestic Violence agency
so they can assist you in obtaining warrants, orders of protection and counseling. Read over the wheel below to identify what symptoms and issues you are experiencing in your relationship.

Domestic Violence Resources:
National Domestic Violence: 1-800-799-7233 (safe)
International Domestic Violence directory
Sarah's Inn (Oak Park, Illinois) 1-708-386-4225 (24 hour hotline)
Illinois Coalition Against Domestic Violence resources: Illinois state Crisis line: 1-800-252-6561
Make a Safety Plan

Get support. The domestic violence agency may have a support group you can participate in.
A group like this can give you perspective on your situation,
hope for the future and help you learn skills to protect yourself.
Anger Management court or employer-ordered programs, certificates and book: online
If you need a counselor, contact AACC for a referral in the USA or Focus on the Family in Canada.
God bless you!
© copyright 2003 Lynette Hoy, NCC, LCPC