Chapter 6- sample of new online course
HANDLING ANGER EFFECTIVELY © copyright 2006 by Lynette J. Hoy, NCC, LCPC & Ted Griffin, Editor/writer
Anyone can become angry. That
is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at
the right time, for the right purpose and in the right way - that is not
easy.
Aristotle (384-322 BC) - Greek philosopher
When you are overcome with anger – you may think it’s impossible to have self-control. Let’s take a look at some examples of people who experienced being “good and angry”.
Bob wrote the following in answer to the question: “How did
you recently control your anger?
“ I
stopped the cycle. If I missed seeing the trigger setup early enough to just
avoid the trap, I know what I feel like when I am starting to get angry.
When I start to feel even a little like that, I just call for a time out
or I pause and remind myself of how important it is to remain in control
of myself, not the other person.
Recently, I was having an emotionally charged discussion with my
girlfriend. This of course means that we both felt strongly about
the topic and had opposing
viewpoints. I was able to look ahead and see how the conversation was going
to unfold so I stopped talking. I started asking questions to understand
her view point. This is much easier to do when I remind myself that
she is not
trying to hurt me, she really loves me, and she wants the best for both of
us. It’s amazing what some corrected thinking can accomplish.”
Notice how this student applies a time-out, uses clarifying questions, corrects
his thinking and uses empathy to try to understand her view point. These steps
and skills keep anger and conflict from escalating. This is a healthy example
of how to work through anger.
Many centuries ago, a righteous man named Nehemiah, wrote about an incident
when he became angry: “I was very angry when I heard their outcry and
these words. I took counsel with myself, and I brought charges against the
nobles and the officials. I said to them, ‘You are exacting interest,
each from his brother.’ And I held a great assembly against them.” 1
Nehemiah felt “very angry” when he heard about his countrymen’s dilemma (they were being exploited by the rich). He took time out to ponder the situation and how to approach it. He then went on to confront the nobles and officials. We see here that not all anger is wrong; there is a righteous anger, and it would be wrong not to act on it. As Aristotle said, “Anyone can become angry. That is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose and in the right way--that is not easy.” What is the right way to handle anger? Here are some steps to consider.
Initial Awareness of Hurt or Anger
Too often we become extremely angry before we even recognize that we are angry.
Early awareness is key. What are the elements of such early awareness?
1. Recognize the underlying feelings of tension, sadness, fear, frustration,
hurt, rejection, etc.
2. Take time out to reflect. Be “slow to anger.”
3. Many find it helpful to pray about the problem, seeking spiritual help and
guidance.
4. Identify the issue. Decide whether you are distorting the truth about the
event or person.
What are you angry about?
What did the other person do that hurt or frustrated you? Think about the behavior
that bothered you. Don’t make judgments about others’ motives.
5. Evaluate whether the issue is valid. Ask, “do I have the right to
be angry?”. Sometimes we do, but sometimes we don’t.
6.
a,
b,
c,
d,
e
7.
8.
9......
Want to learn the complete steps to Handling Anger Effectively, a problem-solving approach, how to handle someone else's anger and how you can forgive and let go of anger? Order the newly revised online course to read the complete book, take interactive progress reports, an exam and receive a certificate of completion!
View partial readings of chapters four and two.
Take this survey to
measure your level of anger!
What's Good About Anger? Second Edition - Table of Contents:
Chap. One: Anger Survey and Progress Report
Chap. 2: Anger's Many Faces;
Chap. 3: The Power of Anger;
Chap. 4: When Anger is Good;
Chap. 5: Defusing Anger by Managing Stress;
Chap. 6: Handling Anger Effectively;
Chap. 7: Anger and Assertiveness;
Chap. 8: Managing Conflict;
Chap. 9: Turn Your Anger into Forgiveness;
Chap. 10: When to Take a Time-Out;
Chap. 11: Cognitive Distortions;
Chap. 12: Log Your Thinking;
Chap. 13: Plan to Change Your Life by Changing Your Thinking;
Chap. 14: Summary
Instructions for Use
Anger Inventory
Anger Log
Calendar for change
Typical Provocation Scenario
Final exam
Progress report