Chapter 4- sample of new online course
WHEN ANGER IS GOOD © copyright 2006 by Lynette J. Hoy, NCC, LCPC & Ted Griffin, Editor/writer
There is such a thing as
good anger. It is anger governed by self-control, motivated by compassion,
desiring what is right versus what is wrong.
Lynette Hoy
Do you struggle with
the question, “how can anything good come from anger?”. You are
not alone. While there are plenty of examples of harmful anger we rarely encounter
good examples.
How many times this week did you get angry? What resulted?
• yelling
• rude or obscene remarks
• aggression, violence
• depression, hidden anger
What were the consequences?
• Sense of guilt, regret or shame
• Defensiveness or thinking “they deserved it”
• More anger, resentment
• Broken relationships
• Trouble with the law or employer
The premise of this book is that feelings of anger are normal and at times
justified. The degree to which you become angry, the reasons for your anger
and the outcome of your anger determine whether your anger is, in fact, good.
When anger is expressed in healthy ways - it is a change agent. Anger can actually
change a passive victim into someone who is confident and assertive. An aggressive
person can learn self-control. Anger can motivate people to solve problems
and resolve conflict. Your anger can be converted into forgiveness versus internalized
as resentment.
But, when anger is hidden and suppressed – it most likely will result
in depression. The tendency for many religious people and leaders is to avoid
the expression of anger because they believe anger is wrong in any situation.
Thus, anger is viewed negatively and often denied.
In the following situation Bob writes about his struggles with anger and control:
“ My anger always stayed in check at work. One day I was tested beyond
imagining by a co-worker who was trying to pick a fight over who was right regarding
some technical issue. This was many years ago, but it has never left me. I allowed
someone of inferior intellect to gain control over me by losing my temper and
yelling (in the middle of the laboratory…a very academic and disciplined
environment). The ironic point is that my faulty thinking said anger=control,
and by getting angry I gave up that one thing in my mind that was worth fighting
for: control.
The biggest cost is the alienation that follows. It isolates me from the very
people to whom I want to be close. Instead of control, I gained loneliness.” Bob
didn’t get what he wanted. He also lost the respect and trust of his
co-workers.
There is some truth in Phyllis Diller’s statement, “Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.” Of course, fighting is destructive and not recommended. The point Diller is making here is how important it is to bring resolution to anger and relationship conflict.
So, what is good about anger? Anger:
• gives you information about yourself, events, and people.
• helps energize you for action and faith.
• moves you to express your feelings and resolve conflict.
• enables you to assert yourself and move toward problem-solving.
What are some sensible, healthy admonitions for being “good and angry”? What will you get out of controlling your anger? How can you resolve conflicts and disputes agreeably? Discover how to transform your anger by ordering the complete, newly revised online course. You will have access to reading the rest of this chapter and book, the online, interactive progress reports and exam and then, receive a certificate of completion!
View more partial readings of chapters six and two
Take this survey to measure your level of anger!
What's Good About Anger? Second Edition - Table of Contents:
Chapter One: Anger Survey and Progress Report
Chap. 2: Anger's Many Faces;
Chap. 3: The Power of Anger;
Chap. 4: When Anger is Good;
Chap. 5: Defusing Anger by Managing Stress;
Chap. 6: Handling Anger Effectively;
Chap. 7: Anger and Assertiveness;
Chap. 8: Managing Conflict;
Chap. 9: Turn Your Anger into Forgiveness;
Chap. 10: When to Take a Time-Out;
Chap. 11: Cognitive Distortions;
Chap. 12: Log Your Thinking;
Chap. 13: Plan to Change Your Life by Changing Your Thinking;
Chap. 14: Summary
Instructions for Use
Anger Inventory
Anger Log
Calendar for change
Typical Provocation Scenario
Final exam
Progress report