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Strategies
for Successful Relationships:
Overcoming an Enemy as published in the Godly
Business Woman magazine Fall, 2002 issue.
© copyright 2003 Lynette
Hoy, NCC, LCPC
As we look at relationships
today we have to ask: what has gone wrong? From
Columbine to child abuse to divorce, we watch as rage,
betrayal, seduction and selfishness destroy lives and
relationships. Marriages are falling apart, unhappy
and conflictual. Families are abusive, strained, distant.
Friendships are superficial, fragile and lack accountability.
Business relationships are characterized by distrust,
tension, competition and jealousy.
While relationships can
seem formidable and difficult we still desire to be
connected and enjoy great relationships - even
in the workplace! What does it take to relate with others
in a meaningful way? How can we personally overcome
-anger- that enemy which causes so much relationship
distress!
"All of us have experienced
anger. Some of us have cringed under the rage in our
families, struggled with it in our souls, felt it toward
our friends, co-workers and loved ones. Some of us have
shocked others with volcanoes of anger. The evidence
abounds that we live in a mad, mad, mad world. Statistics
report:
•23% of Americans openly
express their anger.
•39% say they hold it in
or hide it.
•23% say they walk away.
•23% confess to having
hit someone.
•17% admit they have destroyed
someone’s property out of anger."
(Resource: What’s Good
About Anger? by Lynette Hoy and Ted Griffin)
Scriptural insights:
While anger is potentially harmful, the Bible contains
examples of how God was able to accomplish His purpose
through angry people.
Nehemiah writes about his
angry reaction to social injustice in Nehemiah 5:6-7.
He took positive action to confront oppressive officials
in Israel and reverse injustice. Paul provides instructions
regarding anger in Ephesians 4:25-6 "In your anger,
do not sin.. do not let the sun go down on your anger."
Practical strategies
for handling anger:
When a co-worker says
harshly: "You didn’t let me know you were going
to lunch early and I ended up taking all the calls!"
or
When your boss states
indignantly: "You didn’t finish the contract and
now, we’ve missed the deadline!"
Rather than lashing out
in anger, defensiveness or concealing it, you can pray
for Christ to help you respond with a gentle answer,
and assertiveness such as:
..."I am sorry that you
had so many calls while I was gone. I did mention to
you that I would be going to lunch early this morning.
Any ideas on how we can avoid this situation in the
future?"
..."Say more about the
contract deadline please? I understood the deadline
was tomorrow."
When you are able to control
your anger, it may help defuse the other person’s anger
and promote respectful dialogue. Take a risk this week
and ask God to turn your anger into a gentle assertiveness.
Learning strategies to overcome anger - a prime relationship
enemy - will get you further down the road to success
in all your relationships."
Lynette J. Hoy, is a Marriage
and Family counselor, speaker, writer and the Chicagoland
Chair of Community and Business Women for Christ (see:
www.cbwc.net ). Order her newly released book, What's
Good About Anger? . Contact Lynette at: counselor@hoyweb.com
or at 708.524.3333.
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