Question: Hi, I have a friend whose mother is very controlling and stubborn. She says she has anger problems but the mother won't go see a psychologist because she's too stubborn. Is there anyway to help the mother and convince her she needs help? I got information that she was once an alcoholic but now she quit.

Answer: Dear Friend, your friend's mother would benefit from anger management classes or a home-study course. It's possible she is dealing with a mental health problem such as depression or anxiety - but, if she refuses counseling or a psychological evaluation - then, suggesting a class or ordering anger management resources could be very helpful.

Anger is normal: Most people need to realize that anger is normal. It is a secondary emotion emanating from deeper hurt, sadness, frustration, expectations, beliefs, fear, thinking, etc. which need to be explored and controlled.

Learning to control anger: When anger is expressed in healthy ways - it is a change agent. Anger can actually change a person from being a passive victim to beoming assertive. An aggressive person can learn to control him or herself. Anger can help people problem-solve versus stagnate. Anger can move people to forgive versus become bitter.

Check out these resources: What's Good About Anger? Institute. She will find free blogs and articles on this site as well.

© copyright 2005 by Lynette J. Hoy, NCC, LCPC. Lynette is a Marriage and Family Counselor with CounselCare Connection , National Certified Counselor, Anger Management Specialist and Diplomate with the Amer. Assoc. of Anger Management Providers. She is the co-author of What's Good About Anger? and a speaker for community, women's and church organizations.