Advice: Husband's Anger

Question:
Ok where to start. I have been married to my husband for 6 years. He has always had really bad mood swings. He is very loving, loves me and our children very much but has such a short temper. The most simple things bother him that I wouldn't blink at. He yells at the kids for the most minor thing. I really have never met anyone like him. I used to think the problem was alcohol. He quit drinking for the most part and is still angry. Drinking did amplify his temper a lot though and that is the reason for him quitting. He also quit smoking marijuana about 5 months ago. Before that I blamed his mood swings on that. I am just realizing that there can be actual mental problems that cause people to act like this. He has an appointment with a psychiatrist in a couple of weeks. I guess what I'm wondering is, is it possible for him to overcome this? He had an abusive childhood also. He is 36 years old and I just want to know that it's not too late. I do love him but I can't allow my kids to continue to live this life.

Answer:
Dear Friend,
Thanks for your question. Anger management classes will be very helpful for your husband if he agrees to attend and apply the skills which are taught.
He may be dealing with a mental health disorder too since many people become addicted to drugs and alcohol for relief from depression and anxiety, etc. I suggest he get a counseling evaluation or talk with his family doctor about depression he may be experiencing.
Anger is a symptom of depression and other underlying issues. If the depression is clinical and physiologically based then, an anti-depressant can increase any neuro-chemicals which are off-balance. Cognitive-behavioral counseling will help challenge and change any thinking and behavior which are causing his depression.

Order some Anger management resources which will teach him new coping skills to express his anger in healthy ways.

What about you? The most important aspect of his problem is your response. Are you going to let him verbally abuse you and possibly threaten you? You need to put your foot down and tell him that you will no longer allow this behavior. You can plan to call a time-out when his temper escalates. If he won't respect this then, you can leave the house for a certain time period. You need to pretect yourself and your children. Give him another chance by asking him to get help. But, don't put yourself at risk of harm.

© copyright 2005 by Lynette J. Hoy, NCC, LCPC. Lynette is a Marriage and Family Counselor with CounselCare Connection and National Certified Counselor. She is the co-author of What's Good About Anger?and a speaker for community, women's and church organizations.