Flying
Off the Handle © copyright
2005 by Lynette J. Hoy, NCC, LCPC
Question:
Hi, I have a problem. About every six to eight months
I seem to fly off the handle. Every time my wife gets
an order of protection against me to stay away from her
and our 9 year old daughter. I break things in the house,
throw things around. I never hit her or the daughter.
About 5 months ago I started going to the shrink for
help and he told me I have bipolar. but I dont think
so, I think its anger or intermittent explosive diorder.
I'm alittle better than I was. I used to go off on a
lot of things. I dont know what to do anymore, I have
to get better for me and everyone involved. please help.
thanks
Answer: Dear Friend, I suggest you get anger management coaching
and resources. See: http://www.whatsgoodaboutanger.com/ for
resources and articles which will help you deal with the anger.
Issues and Triggers:
Most likely, you have issues beneath the surface which need to be explored
but, you also need to become aware of triggers and stressors precipitating
your anger, new coping skills to manage anger, and what thinking patterns
may be contributing to your anger.
Log some of the situations which recently caused you
to feel angry and fly off the handle. What were the triggers? What happened
and what were you thinking? Did you catastrophize the situation? Did
you jump to false conclusions or personalize the situation? Were you
stressed out by something else?
Distorted thinking and false beliefs such as: "I deserve
to be treated..." or "I am entitled to..." contribute to anger escalation.
If you can begin to control the hot self-talk and challenge your thinking
with reality and truth - your angry emotions will defuse. Taking a Time-out
is one of the best ways to control your anger.
Our resources teach various coping skills for managing
anger.
Order the What's
Good About Anger? book, DVD, workbooks and courses.
Mental Health treatment: Since your psychiatrist thinks
you have bipolar disorder - I suggest you follow his recommendations
for counseling and medication. Bipolar disorder does have a chemical/physiological
basis and needs to be treated as such. Also, counseling can help give
you perspective on your life, help you express your feelings and teach
to healthy ways to cope with anger.
Since you have abusive tendencies - I suggest you read and order some
of the resources found at: Safe
Relationships. God bless!
© copyright 2005 by Lynette J. Hoy, NCC, LCPC. Lynette is a Marriage
and Family Counselor with CounselCare Connection and National Certified Counselor.
She is the co-author of What's
Good About Anger? and a speaker for community, women's and church organizations.
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