Advice: Flying off the handle with anger

Question: Hi, I have a problem. About every six to eight months I seem to fly off the handle. Every time my wife gets an order of protection against me to stay away from her and our 9 year old daughter. I break things in the house, throw things around. I never hit her or the daughter. About 5 months ago I started going to the shrink for help and he told me I have bipolar. but I dont think so, I think its anger or intermittent explosive diorder. I'm alittle better than I was. I used to go off on a lot of things. I dont know what to do anymore, I have to get better for me and everyone involved. please help. thanks

Answer: Dear Friend, I suggest you get anger management coaching and resources. See: http://www.whatsgoodaboutanger.com/ for resources and articles which will help you deal with the anger.

Issues and Triggers:
Most likely, you have issues beneath the surface which need to be explored but, you also need to become aware of triggers and stressors precipitating your anger, new coping skills to manage anger, and what thinking patterns may be contributing to your anger.

Log some of the situations which recently caused you to feel angry and fly off the handle. What were the triggers? What happened and what were you thinking? Did you catastrophize the situation? Did you jump to false conclusions or personalize the situation? Were you stressed out by something else?

Distorted thinking and false beliefs such as: "I deserve to be treated..." or "I am entitled to..." contribute to anger escalation. If you can begin to control the hot self-talk and challenge your thinking with reality and truth - your angry emotions will defuse. Taking a Time-out is one of the best ways to control your anger.

Our resources teach various coping skills for managing anger.
Order the What's Good About Anger? book, DVD, workbooks and courses.

Mental Health treatment: Since your psychiatrist thinks you have bipolar disorder - I suggest you follow his recommendations for counseling and medication. Bipolar disorder does have a chemical/physiological basis and needs to be treated as such. Also, counseling can help give you perspective on your life, help you express your feelings and teach to healthy ways to cope with anger.
Since you have abusive tendencies - I suggest you read and order some of the resources found at: Safe Relationships. God bless!

© copyright 2005 by Lynette J. Hoy, NCC, LCPC. Lynette is a Marriage and Family Counselor with CounselCare Connection and National Certified Counselor. She is the co-author of What's Good About Anger? and a speaker for community, women's and church organizations.

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Flying Off the Handle © copyright 2005 by Lynette J. Hoy, NCC, LCPC