FAQ
Are
you a Contoller or an Abuser?
Do
You Fit the Description of a Controller or Abuser?:
©
copyright 2003 by Lynette J. Hoy, NCC, LCPC
Do you fit the description of a controller or an abuser? Answer
these questions honestly:
Do you ever:
____ Embarrass or make fun of your spouse/partner in front
of your friends or family?
____ Put down her accomplishments or goals?
____ Demonstrate extreme jealousy?
____ Make her feel like she is unable to make decisions?
____ Yell at her, let your temper get out of control?
____ Use intimidation or threats to gain compliance from her?
____ Tell her that she is nothing without you?
____ Treat her roughly - grab, push, pinch, shove or hit her?
____ Call her several times a night or show up to make sure
she is where she said she would be? ____ Use drugs or alcohol
as an excuse for saying hurtful things or abusing her?
____ Blame her for how you feel or act?
____ Pressure her sexually for things she isn't ready for?
____ Show cruelty to animals?
____ Make her feel like there "is no way out" of the relationship?
____ Prevent her from doing things she wants - like spending
time with her friends or family?
____ Try to keep her from leaving after a fight or leave her
somewhere after a fight to "teach her a lesson"?
Do you cause your partner to...
____ Sometimes feel scared of you because you make threatening
gestures, indirect threats or throw or break objects?
____ Make excuses for your behavior?
____ Believe that she is the only one that needs to change,
not you?
____ Avoid conflict and never disagree with you in order to
"keep the peace"?
____ Feel like no matter what she does, she can't please you?
____ Placate you by doing whatever you want and rarely doing
what she wants?
____ Stay with you because she is afraid of the consequences
of leaving you?
If you have checked any of these symptoms, you have the characteristics
of a contoller. If you checked any of these symptoms:
physical, sexual abuse, verbal threats, outbursts or rage-ful
behavior, harassment, manipulation by fear, cruelty to animals
- you fit the description of a batterer and abuser
with severe anger and control issues. You need help.
Explore these questions and challenge yourself: What makes
you need to force your wife to grant your every wish and expectation?
How does it make you feel when someone forces or pressures
you to do something you don't want to do? What kind of love
do you want from your spouse/partner? You don't want to force
your spouse to love you. She is a human being - not a robot
and she deserves respect, to be treated with dignity, to be
cared for and loved in a healthy way. She is your wife - not
a thing to manipulate. You need to explore what is driving
you to behave like this. You need to discover what fears or
frustrations are causing you to batter her. Call a professional
counselor at this hotline: 1-800-383-4673. Contact a local
Domestic Violence agency for anger management classes. In
the USA call the National Domestic
Violence Agency at : 1-800-799-7233 or Focus
on the Family in Canada. If you live outside the USA see
the International
Domestic Violence Agency listings. Take one of the online
anger management courses and certificates we offer.
What cycle occurs? Spouses (mostly
men) who control and manipulate through violence are drawn
to spouses (usually women) who are passive.
Women learn a helpless sort of syndrome becoming victimized-
staying in these threatening relationships - fearing financial
loss, divorce and possible repercussions from angry husbands
if they leave.
Look at the Wheel of Violence here. Power and Control are
at the center. This is not a healthy relationship where there
is respect, love, equality, safety and trust. This is a relationship
where one partner) intimidates, isolates, abuses, threatens,
manipulates, etc., the other partner.
Read about How to Know God Personally.
Order a book to help your faith grow such as: An
Anchor for the Soul: Help for the Present, Hope for the Future
by Ray Pritchard.
Grow personally by learning communication skills which
will help defuse your anger.
Read
theHow do I stop abusing my wife
and Assert
Yourself! articles next. Take this online
survey to measure your anger:
.
Purchase the book What's
Good About Anger? or consider ordering
one of the anger management course & certificates
below to help you learn coping skills to manage your anger
and change your self-talk. Order new Home
Study Anger Management course and certificate: this
comes with a new workbook and more practical skills and insights!
Read more about the book and authors here: What's
Good About Anger
© copyright 2003 Lynette Hoy, NCC, LCPC
~ Lynette
J. Hoy, is a marriage and family counselor, speaker, writer
and the Chicagoland
Chair of Community and Business Women for Christ. Her newly
released book, What's Good About Anger? can be ordered online
at: www.whatsgoodaboutanger.com or Amazon.com. Visit Mrs.
Hoy's other sites: www.hoyweb.com , www.counselcareconnection.org
, www.cbwc.net , www.lifecareweb.com.
Here
are ways to order the book or courses:
1. Anger
Management Certificate Programs: This
includes the online course or book and workbook, recommendations, test,
certificate. This distance-learning anger management course is presented
by Lynette Hoy, a National Certified Counselor, anger management specialist,
marriage and family counselor licensed in the state of Illinois. Certificate
is granted when the test is completed.
This
online course and book will help you discover the process
of anger, when it is harmful and helpful and how to direct
your anger into faith, assertiveness, problem-solving and
forgiveness.
2. Order
the What's Good About Anger? level two- level five (6-32 week
programs)
This course will
help you discover the process of anger, when it is harmful and helpful and
how to direct your anger into faith, assertiveness, problem-solving and forgiveness.
3. Order
the What's
Good About Anger? anger management courses,
book and certificates by phone: Call Lynette Hoy at
708-524-3333 and pay by credit card.
And
read some other books for self-esteem and growing in your
faith which you can order through Amazon.com.
The
Search for Significance
(workbook included) by Robert McGee
The
God You Can Trust: Strength for the Times When it's Hard to
Believe by Ray Pritchard
An
Anchor for the Soul: Help for the Present, Hope for the Future
by Ray Pritchard
FAQ:
Frequently Asked Questions About the Christian Life
by Ray Pritchard
© copyright 2003 by Lynette
J. Hoy, NCC, LCPC
All Rights reserved. No part
of this site may be reprinted, transmitted or reproduced by
any means without prior permission of the authors/publisher.
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