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Question:
Maybe you have been wondering if you are abused. Maybe you have been
living in fear. Fear from abuse in the past. Fear in a present
relationship. LifeCARE is offering some resources which can help
you. But, first, you must determine if you are abused. Then, you
can take steps to get help and work through it. Take this inventory: “Am
I in An Abusive Relationship?:
Symptoms
of Abuse - Threats; Power Misuse; and Control...... 
What symptoms below fit your life?
Using Emotional Abuse:
Putting the other down ___
Making the other feel bad about themselves ___
Calling the other names ___
Making the other think they are crazy ___
Playing mind games ___
Humiliating the other ___
Making the other feel guilty ___
Using Privileges ___
Treating the other like a servant ___
Making all the big decisions ___
Acting like the master of the castle ___
Being the one who determines the roles ___
Using Economic Abuse:
Preventing the other from getting or keeping a job ___ Making the other
ask for money ___
Giving the other an allowance ___
Taking the other's money ___
Not letting the other know about or have access to family income ___
Using Coercion and Threats:
Making or carrying out threats to do something to hurt the other ___
Threatening to leave the other, to commit suicide, report the other to
welfare ___
Making the other drop charges ___
Making the other do illegal things ___
Using Intimidation:
Making the other afraid by using looks, gestures, or actions ___
Smashing things ___
Abusing pets ___
Displaying weapons ___
Using Children:
Making the other feel guilty about the children ___
Using the children to relay messages ___ family or friends? Yes___ No___
Using visitation to harass the other ___
Threatening to take the children away ___
Using Isolation:
Controlling what the other does, who they see, talk to, what's read,
and where they go ___
Limiting their outside involvement ___
Using jealousy to justify actions ___
Minimizing, Denying, Blaming ___
Making light of the abuse and not taking the other's concerns about it
seriously ___
Saying the abuse never happened ___
Shifting responsibility for abusive behavior ___
Saying the other caused it ___
HAS ANY OF THE FOLLOWING EVER HAPPENED TO YOU?
Does your partner:
Blame everyone else especially you, for his or her mistakes? Yes___ No___
Prevent you from seeing your family or friends? Yes___ No___
Curse you, say mean things, mock you or humiliate you? Yes___ No___
Force you to have sex or force you to engage in sex that makes you feel
uncomfortable? Yes___ No___
Restrain, hit, punch, slap, or kick you? Yes___ No___ Intimidate or threaten
you? Yes___ No___
Ever prevent you from leaving the house, getting a job, or continuing
your education? Yes___ No___
If
you answered “yes” to any of these questions, you
may be in an abusive relationship. Please call your
local police department at 911 (in most USA communities)
or local Domestic Violence agency so they can assist
you in obtaining warrants, orders of protection and
counseling. Domestic Violence Resources:
National
Domestic Violence: 1-800-799-7233 (safe)
International
Domestic Violence directory
Sarah's Inn (Oak Park,
Illinois) 1-708-386-4225 (24 hour hotline)
Illinois Coalition Against Domestic Violence resources:
Illinois state Crisis line: 1-800-252-6561
Make a Safety
Plan
Get
support. The domestic violence agency may have
a support group you can participate in. A group
like this can give you perspective on your situation,
hope for the future and help you learn skills to
protect yourself. Review these articles/resources
next:
Domestic
Violence and Child Abuse
What
is Battering?
Anger
Management court or employer-ordered programs, certificates
and book
If
you need a counselor, see AACC's directory.
or Focus on the Family in
Canada.
God bless you!
© copyright 2003 Lynette Hoy, NCC, LCPC
What
is the difference between an abusive relationship
and one that is healthy? This wheel describes an
abusive relationship:
This wheel describes a healthy relationship free of violence, control
and coercion issues. A healthy relationship in which respect, trust,
responsibility, safety and love are pre-eminent:
~
Lynette J. Hoy, is a marriage and family counselor,
speaker, writer and the Chicagoland Chair of Community
and Business Women for Christ. Order her newly
released book, What's
Good About Anger? Visit Mrs. Hoy's other sites: CounselCare
Connection, P.C., LifeCARE
Webzine.
Read these articles: Domestic
Violence and Child Abuse
What
is Battering?
Take this online survey to measure your
anger or ask your spouse to take it. .
Purchase the book What's Good About Anger? or
consider ordering one of the anger management
course & certificates below to help you or your spouse learn
coping skills to manage anger and change self-talk. Order new 10-Week
Home Study Anger Management course and certificate: this
comes with a new workbook and more practical skills and insights! Read
more about the book and authors here: What's
Good About Anger
And read some other books for self-esteem and growing in your faith which
you can order through Amazon.com.
The
Search for Significance (workbook included)
by Robert McGee
The
God You Can Trust: Strength for the Times When
it's Hard to Believe by Ray Pritchard
An
Anchor for the Soul: Help for the Present, Hope
for the Future by Ray Pritchard
FAQ:
Frequently Asked Questions About the Christian
Life by Ray Pritchard
Do
you need Prayer or lay counseling? Write to: Lynette
J. Hoy
For professional counseling in the Chicagoland area contact: CounselCare
Connection |
